The Time I Wrote to Jack T. Chick Publications to Ask Their Opinion of Men Wearing Hairspray

Years ago, around 1991-92, religious crazies used to stand on Broadway on Seattle’s Capitol Hill (usually near the corner of Broadway and Olive) and hand out religious tracts. But not the normal, boring religious tracts—these people handed out the mini religious comic books from Jack T. Chick publications. You may be familiar with these little booklets, since people have been leaving them in public restrooms for years. I was always excited to find these people there because these comics were so ridiculous and over-the-top that I wanted to collect them all, despite the fact that I disagreed with them completely and am basically allergic to religion, so much so that I would probably skip your wedding if you told me you were going to hold it in a church. I passed this corner regularly, and eventually I had a fairly sizable collection of these tracts, but usually I kept getting the same few tracts that were specifically targeted at Seattle’s gay community.

In 1992, I moved to Olympia, WA, so I was cut off from my steady supply of free comics. I decided to write a letter to Jack T. Chick publications to see if they would send me a sampler. The whole package was available for $40, I think, which I couldn’t afford, but I thought $10 might get me a pretty good collection. Because I was a sassy young thing, I decided to send my money in with along with a letter, hoping to get a response from Mr. Chick himself. Here is the letter I sent, written in the voice of a semi-literate religious nincompoop:

“Dear Jack T. Chick,

Thank you so much for you’re comic books. They save soles all the time! I give a copy of DOOM TOWN to a boy that works at a Rock and Roll RECORD STORE and now he nose Jesus is Lord of ALL! He quitted his job and is a SAVED MAN because of you.

I want to get som more of your tracks. They are so good. I am now ready to start my new minustry where I will be saving the little teenage heathens that ride around in my town Olympia Washington on skate boards. I no those things are put here by the Devil. Do you have any comics about how skate boarding will send people to HELL? If so I would like a sample. So you can send that to me if you have it.

I am very poor because my minustry only has one member thats me. I am giving $10 to you so I can get some more little comics. Send them in a hurry! Expecially the skate boarding one that I don’t no the name of. I am so afraid one of these cute young boys is going to break his neck before I can Save him with your book. I tell them every day it is just a instrement of SATAN but they don’t listen to me not like your books!

Hurry,

Angus B.

P.S. I no that makeup is a sin for a man to wear but what about hair spray? Does that count? Also moisturizer! I think that’s not good if they put it on their face. I’m not sure about hand lotion. I say it’s OK if it’s Jergen’s but that fancy kind is defenitly BAD FROM SATAN! Am I right?

P.S. #2 What do you think about Billy Clenton? Is he part of the end? Like the Pope? I don’t no anything about it, but I do no something!

Also I wood like to get a sample of This Was Your Life! in Latvian. My church is putting some missionary over there and they told me to ask you about getting some of your affecteve tracks for those heathen. But they want a sample because of nobody in Africa could understand those last ones we bought.

P. S. #3- Do you print any comics in Yiddish? I think we should Save EVERYBODY EVEN IF they don’t deserve it!

Thanks,

AB

I provided the name of my ministry (Disciples in Christ Kleansing Sinful Souls), and signed with the acronym. I was dearly hoping to get a letter from Mr. Chick that began, “Dear D.I.C.K.S.S.”, but, alas, I didn’t get any sort of personal response, just a large packet of tracts along with a catalog and order form.chick address

I still want to know what Jack Chick thinks about hairspray on a man.

Time for an Update…I Lost Over 40 Pounds in the Last Year!

That’s right. I really should update this thing more regularly! I began about a year ago, and my plan was to be in good enough shape that I would feel comfortable walking around shirtless at Southern Decadence this weekend. Did I reach my goal? Not exactly, but that has more to do with my body image issues than my size. I weighed myself shortly after starting on this journey, and I have lost 43 pounds so far. I still have another 15 or 20 to go before I’m totally happy.

So how did I do it? Well, I did not follow the Primal Method precisely. I walked more than before, but not . . . → Read More: Time for an Update…I Lost Over 40 Pounds in the Last Year!

The Most Obvious News Story of the Year: American Idol Looking to Replace Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler, Who Have Rightly Abandoned the Ship They Helped to Sink

I saw a news story today under the headline “American Idol Seeks Replacements for Departing Judges Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler,” and I immediately thought: duh.  The most popular show in America, which has always had three or four judges (remember that ill-advised Ellen Degeneres season?), announces the departure of two of its judges, so of course they are going to ‘seek to replace’ them. Nobody wants to watch Randy Jackson as the solo judge of any competition.

The next news stories will be feelers for different potential judges. They will be leaked carefully to the press in order to judge public opinion. Two years ago, Jennifer Lopez was their apparent dream . . . → Read More: The Most Obvious News Story of the Year: American Idol Looking to Replace Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler, Who Have Rightly Abandoned the Ship They Helped to Sink

Primal Chili Pork Verde: Mexican Pork Stew with Green Chiles

This is one of my favorite Primal Recipes, one which is very simple to make. It is easy to assemble and cook, requiring nothing more difficult than chopping some vegetables and meat. It does require a pressure cooker for the method I recommend, but you can do the same thing with long, slow simmering, but plan on the recipe taking about four hours rather than the one hour required in a pressure cooker. Also please note that the heat factor of this recipe is pretty mild despite the presence of several kinds of chile peppers, but I offer some ways you can boost the heat at the end of the recipe . . . → Read More: Primal Chili Pork Verde: Mexican Pork Stew with Green Chiles

Double Cream Recipe: How to Make Double Cream…or Can You Just Substitute Heavy Cream?

The British love cream in all its varieties, from clotted cream to double cream to Devonshire cream (or Devon cream), to Cornish clotted cream and many other varieties. It’s enough to make your head spin, and it’s particularly confusing if you’re an American trying to follow a British recipe. I recently ran into this problem when I was trying to make a delicious-looking and –sounding lemon tart that was featured on an episode of “How to Cook Like Heston” with Heston Blumenthal. It called for double cream, which sent me on a quest to figure out: can I just substitute heavy whipping cream for double cream? The answer is no. But . . . → Read More: Double Cream Recipe: How to Make Double Cream…or Can You Just Substitute Heavy Cream?

Washington State Voters Pass a Law that Ends State-Run Liquor Stores, Allows for Private Liquor Shops

I used to manage a tavern in Washington state.  A tavern is a specific designation that means a bar that serves only beer and wine—no hard alcohol.  In order to serve the hard stuff, you had to be a restaurant, meaning that all real bars served food, although you might never know it.  They were required to keep stock and a menu of about 10 entrees on hand at all times, and offer food during most of the hours they were open.  The laws in Washington were old and antiquated, and I think it’s a good thing for the state’s residents that this law was passed.

The state liquor control board had . . . → Read More: Washington State Voters Pass a Law that Ends State-Run Liquor Stores, Allows for Private Liquor Shops

My Favorite Recipe from The Primal Blueprint Cookbook: Cabbage and Sausage!

It may strike you as funny or a bit odd that I would say this was my favorite recipe from the excellent The Primal Blueprint Cookbook by Mark Sisson and Jennifer Meier.  It would have struck me as pretty funny about nine months ago, too.  I grew up in a family that simply didn’t eat cabbage.  I knew people who did, and I remember jokes from my childhood about how boiled cabbage smells (it can smell sulphurous, a bit like a rotten egg), but nobody in my family ever cooked it, on either side, from my great grandparents on down.  It just wasn’t part of our diet.

I’d always assumed that my . . . → Read More: My Favorite Recipe from The Primal Blueprint Cookbook: Cabbage and Sausage!

Sister: A Novel by Rosamund Lupton is Crippled by Its Own Artifice

I just finished reading Sister: A Novel, by Rosamund Lupton.  The book has gotten generally very good reviews, but I found it to be a pretty big disappointment.  The book has a very specific literary device that it relies on for its structure, and I found the device to be both confusing and annoying.  This could be because I read ebooks on my iPhone, and perhaps the font was too small to pick up on the all-important quotation marks.

The device is this: the story is told in the first person as if it is being spoken or written (it is not made clear which).  The main character, Beatrice, is speaking to . . . → Read More: Sister: A Novel by Rosamund Lupton is Crippled by Its Own Artifice

Sous Vide Cooking at Home with the SousVide Supreme Waterbath Oven

Sous Vide cooking has become all the rage in the foodie world for one simple reason: it works! Using the sous-vide method, you can cook your food to a very specific temperature, so you know it will never overcook.

Most people think sous vide means to cook in a waterbath, but the literal translation is “under vacuum.” This is because you can’t simply throw a nice Porterhouse steak into a vat of warm water—you have to seal it first. This is usually done by using one of those vacuum sealers that are meant for sealing food for long term storage (they work by sucking all the air out and then heat sealing . . . → Read More: Sous Vide Cooking at Home with the SousVide Supreme Waterbath Oven

I Just Pre-Ordered My Nest Thermostat—A Thermostat that Programs Itself and Allows Remote Control via iPhone!

I saw this pop up in the news yesterday, and I new I had to have one. I was happy to find that my old (non-programmable) thermostat could be replaced by this new “iPod” of thermostats.

Nest is the brainchild of Tony Fadell, who is credited as the original developer of the iPod for Apple. Tony took a year’s sabbatical to live in Paris with his wife and kids, and near the end of the year, after thinking about what he wanted to do next, he announced his new project to his wife: a thermostat. She was baffled.  But she soon became a believer.

The Nest Learning Thermostat

Turns out, the thermostat that most . . . → Read More: I Just Pre-Ordered My Nest Thermostat—A Thermostat that Programs Itself and Allows Remote Control via iPhone!

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